Knowing versus Feeling

A photo from Kensington Palace I snapped just before leaving London. I absolutely fell in love with the peaceful feeling of this garden.

Hello, friends. I had originally been planning to post about the second book of the ten that would be on 'my bookshelf,' but while praying this morning, I realized there was something more important I'd like to discuss today. So my new plan is to use those book explanations when I have the time to blog but feel like I don't have much to say (which has been happening lately).

In today's first reading, Moses returns from the mountains to find that the people have forgotten him and have forgotten God. They have made an idol of gold to worship instead. Take a look at this excerpt:

Moses asked Aaron, "What did these people ever do to you

that you should lead them into so grave a sin?"

Aaron replied, "Let not my lord be angry.

You know well enough how prone the people are to evil.

They said to me, 'Make us a god to be our leader;

as for the man Moses who brought us out of 
the land of Egypt, we do not know what has happened to him.'

So I told them, 'Let anyone who has gold jewelry take it off.'

They gave it to me, and I threw it into the fire, and this calf came out.

Exodus 32: 21-24

I was particularly struck by the people's reasoning. They had requested of Aaron, 'Make us a god to be our leader; as for the man Moses who brought us out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has happened to him.' 

Punctuation nerd that I am, I was staring long and hard at that semicolon. It implies that there is a logical connection between the two clauses. In this case, I'm interpreting it as a cause-and-effect connection. They tell Aaron, 'Make us a god to be our leader because we do not know what has happened to Moses, the man who brought us out of Egypt.' And then we can identify the underlying assumption as the people must always have a leader and someone to worship. As soon as their leader is gone, and as soon as they can no longer feel God's presence, the people create something new to lead them and something new to worship to fill the void that they feel.

I'm not sure about you, but I certainly don't feel God's presence near me all the time. There are many days that I feel directionless and far from God. I still know He exists. I know He is there. But knowing and feeling are two different things, and sometimes I'm like the Jewish people in the desert; I wonder where my direction has gone, and I quickly abandon ship.

But the thing about faith is that it's not all about feelings. It's about believing and continuing to act the way Jesus wants us to, even when we don't feel Him near us. Even when we're not sure where He has gone. Even when our prayer life has been feeling a bit dry and it's feeling really tempting to focus on money or popularity or career success instead. That, I think, is when it is most important to keep faith, to avoid the temptation to worship a golden calf, and to know in our hearts, even if we don't feel it, that God exists and is walking with us.